Joy and Sorrow

The two main things always on my mind these days: the devestation of watching my sister get nearer to death and the excitement of getting ready for my baby to arrive.

Sarah hasn't left her bed for a week now. And as of the last couple of days she is no longer speaking. It is heartbreaking to see her sleeping for the majority of her days and being unable to verbally respond when her eyes are open. She seemed to be aware of me talking to her today as I told her how the kids pray for her each day and how I miss hearing her laugh. It was nice being able to spend time with her while my kids were being watched by a friend of mine today. My mom continues to amaze me with her calm and happy demeanor as she is always either caring for my sister or visiting with the constant string of people coming in and out of her home. I know she must be overwhelmed and I always feel ashamed that I am the one being emotional while she remains so strong. I dream vivid dreams of Sarah often. I wonder what she must be feeling.

Then there are the other times that I am so grateful for. The times I get caught up in the excitement and anticipation of preparing for our new baby. I finally starting making name lists and lists of projects to do, things I need to buy, and items that I want to pack for when the baby comes. I'm a list maker and I like having things to focus on. The nursery is going to be a wonderful project for me. I just painted it yesterday (all except the cutting in near the ceiling- I hate that part and am hoping I can get my husband or brother to finish it up for me). Now I think I am ready to start prepping the furniture for paint and start one of the sewing projects (the curtains or crib skirt). I'll try to post some pictures as I make progress.

34 weeks pregnant

That means only 6 weeks left until we meet our new baby! I have not been documenting this pregnancy well at all. It is hard to believe that I have been pregnant since last July. As usual I was plagued by pregnancy nausea from about week 8 until week 18. Since then, things have been pretty smooth. I had leg cramps. My other pregnancies I would get the nighttime charlie horses in my calves, but for some reason this pregnancy they struck me in my right inner thigh. Ouch! My only other complaints have been the run of the mill bloody noses, snoring, heartburn/acid stuff. . .you know regular pregnancy stuff. I have always been blessed to have pregnancies with no major complications or sickness. I enjoy the excitement of my baby's movements and growing. This time around we decided it would be fun to leave the gender of our baby a surprise until the birth. We are so excited to meet the little one and find out what we have! Here I am this Sunday after church.

Isn't it crazy how life goes on, no matter what else is happening, life doesn't slow down or stop for anything. I went to lunch today with my darling little brother Ted and my two youngest. Ted and his lovely wife are expecting their first baby! I am so excited that our babies won't be very far apart in age. I am quite fond of babies. . I am so excited to meet mine. I love the nighttime roudiness in my belly when I lie next to my husband in a quiet house, with my other 4 angels sleeping soundly. I love the occasional hiccups disturbing Baby's silence. I love how often Henry puts his face next to my belly to tell "Chubby" something. Usually he tells Chubby how cute or awesome he is. It is absolutely adorable and I am positive this baby is going to have a favorite brother immediately. Henry is so sweet and accommadating.
When we visit Sarah, each time she gets a glimpse of Henry she asks him for a kiss. And he complies every time (sometimes while rolling his eyes in my direction as if to ask how many more kisses he can possibly give). We went to see Sarah after lunch today. She changes a little every time I see her. She was pretty quiet today. It was very difficult to try to help her keep her head from turning so much to the right. I rubbed her neck and placed my hand on the right side of her head to try to help her position her head more naturally or comfortably, but it is like a rubberband waiting to snap back to the right. Mom said that Sarah was angry today because it was painful every time my mom had to move her to get up or go to the bathroom. It took Ted and I quite some effort to get her moved around, I don't know how my mom is doing it. I am glad Gabe is there to help, but I think it must be really emotionally draining for him and physically and emotionally exhausting for my mom.