Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Joy and Sorrow

The two main things always on my mind these days: the devestation of watching my sister get nearer to death and the excitement of getting ready for my baby to arrive.

Sarah hasn't left her bed for a week now. And as of the last couple of days she is no longer speaking. It is heartbreaking to see her sleeping for the majority of her days and being unable to verbally respond when her eyes are open. She seemed to be aware of me talking to her today as I told her how the kids pray for her each day and how I miss hearing her laugh. It was nice being able to spend time with her while my kids were being watched by a friend of mine today. My mom continues to amaze me with her calm and happy demeanor as she is always either caring for my sister or visiting with the constant string of people coming in and out of her home. I know she must be overwhelmed and I always feel ashamed that I am the one being emotional while she remains so strong. I dream vivid dreams of Sarah often. I wonder what she must be feeling.

Then there are the other times that I am so grateful for. The times I get caught up in the excitement and anticipation of preparing for our new baby. I finally starting making name lists and lists of projects to do, things I need to buy, and items that I want to pack for when the baby comes. I'm a list maker and I like having things to focus on. The nursery is going to be a wonderful project for me. I just painted it yesterday (all except the cutting in near the ceiling- I hate that part and am hoping I can get my husband or brother to finish it up for me). Now I think I am ready to start prepping the furniture for paint and start one of the sewing projects (the curtains or crib skirt). I'll try to post some pictures as I make progress.


Gina said...

It's nice to hear an update on those two particular things in your life. I think it's okay to be emotional even when others are strong. You may surprise yourself and switch roles at another phase.

I am so excited for your baby to arrive. You are one special mama!

Summer said...

It is so hard to see Sarah like this and know that the end is near. It breaks my heart and I can't even imagine how you and your family are feeling. Your mom is SO amazing! She is definitely being the rock for your family during this horrible time.

Planning for a baby is SO fun and exciting! Good luck on all your projects. Sounds like you have a long list of them. Isn't your baby due soon? You'd better get cracking! ;)

Denise said...

I'm so sorry about your sister. It may help your mom to be the caregiver right now. She'll probably need your emotional stability when she isn't so consumed with things to do. I'm sure she will appreciate feeling of your strength and holding that new baby so much in the weeks to come. I think about you all the time. This must be such a bitter sweet time for you.

I'm excited to see all the things you're making for the baby's room. I'm so excited to find out what you're having!

Shan said...

I'm very close to my sister and can't imagine how much that has to tear you apart. You're an incredible person though I hope you know that.

Tori said...

I thought I left a comment last night, but I was on my Kindle and I guess it didn't go through.
I am so sorry for your loss. Having loss a sister I know how deep that pain in your heart is. I hate to know you are feeling that. :( You are in my thoughts and prayers...

Mark and Katie said...

i've been out of the loop for a while and just saw these things about your sister on facebook. i am so sorry for you and your family. my heart aches for you as you deal with the loss of your sister and arrival of your little one. you are in our thoughts and prayers
katie barry

Emilee said...

Robin, I am so sorry about your sister. I was glad I could read updates on your blog just now since I have not been able to read any blogs for months. It must have been such an emotionaly difficult time and I really feel for you girl. I hope the joy of your new baby will be a sweet mercy from the Lord for you. I'm excited for you! I'm kinda jealous too ;) You are strong and beautiful and I pray the Lord will help you!