Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Since Thursday, I have just been absolutely dying for this baby to come out. I have had some pretty good contractions here and there, which always start to get me excited and thinking, "This is it, I'll be in the hospital in a couple of hours." Then the darn things just stop on me. I am trying to stay moving to tell my body that I am ready, but my body is still holding off. Each day that passes I feel a little more discouraged. I know it is silly. I know that baby can't stay in there forever. I know it will be soon. But even though I know all that, I just want to meet my baby already! My body and my mind feel very tired. I am sore in all kinds of places and sleep is not the easiest these days. But more than being tired of being pregnant, I am just aching to hold my baby and see it's little face and hands and toes and smell it's skin and feel it breathe and all those amazing things that I have been looking forward to for these long months.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Friday, March 09, 2012
We decided to bury Sarah privately with only family and I think it was just perfect. We knew we would not have a viewing- as Sarah and my mom (and I think my whole family) did not want one. Sarah was a very beautiful woman and we wanted everyone to remember her that way: happy, whole, and beautiful. Wednesday, February 29th we met together at the funeral home. We decided that we would not have any children there under the age of 8. We did bring Tucker who is 8, to be there to support his cousins Chandler and Jackson. After saying our goodbye's and gathering to pray again as a family we drove together to Sarah's final resting place. A few of our cousins and Aunts and Uncles met us there. It was a beautiful and very difficult morning.
|My parents, my siblings and me (except Emily who had not come down from Utah yet) and Sarah's boys.|
Monday, March 05, 2012
Saturday February 25th at 6:30 am I was on the couch. I had slept there trying to get propped up enough to end the heartburn/acid thing that happens at the end of my pregnancies. Trent had just come out of our room and snuggled up to me and we were just visiting for a few minutes when a cell phone rang. I thought it Trent's phone and perhaps an alarm had gone off at the building he manages or something. We let it ring. But after a minute, I realized that it had been my cell phone and in my heart I knew what that meant. I called my dad back and sure enough he said, "Sarah has passed, she is beautiful." I asked if we should come and he said we should. We woke up the kids, fed, and dressed them in their soccer uniforms. We made a few phone calls and were able to drop them off at my dear friend Kathi's house right around the corner at 8am. We drove to my parents house and walked in to Sarah's room to see her looking peaceful and surrounded by her oldest son Gabe, Amber, Landon and all my siblings except for Emily who was back in Utah and Ted who wasn't able to leave work. She was wearing a knitted hat my Grandma Donna had made her before she passed over a year ago and a slight smile, that I hadn't seen on her face for over a week. I kissed her forehead and sat among my family and showed them the picture that Charlotte had made that morning of her giving Aunt Sarah flowers in her bed and written- "Aunt Sara this rumins (reminds) me of you". Shortly after I sat down Sarah's younger two boys walked in and we all began to cry- except for her youngest Jackson (9yrs) who seemed to be processing things differently. We all sat there with her for an hour or so crying and laughing and talking about our beloved sister. My dad made us breakfast and we ate. Then the men from the funeral home came to take her body. We surrounded her again and my Dad gave a beautiful prayer and we said goodbye. It was a special morning full of pain and also of love and gratitude.