Saturday, October 03, 2009

Booty camp

I made it through my first week of boot camp without crying or quitting. It's a good start. I feel good about myself just for going. I still struggle with watching my calories and portion sizes, but I am trying harder than ever before and that's got to count for something. Although the weekend has been much harder than the weekdays. I have been sore every day and today my right knee feels a little jacked up, so hopefully it will be fine with a couple days of rest. I put some old pictures of myself on the fridge to remind myself that I can be skinny and strong and to not eat so much.

Sometimes I feel like I am having an identity crisis. I am not who I used to be and I am not sure who I am. I used to be thin, strong, athletic. I used to love music and keep up with new bands. I used to be fun and laid back. I used to enjoy drawing and writing poems. I feel like those parts of me are hibernating somewhere. Being a mother is a big part of who I am now, and I am okay with that. It makes me strive to be better. I just miss some of the other parts of me too.


Aubri said...

I totally know how you feel and I'm only a mother of one. I've been so frustrated with my weight as well especially since some medical conditions I have now make it nearly impossible for me to loose weight and not gain it back. My mom often tells me that I need to try and find a good reality point of it all though. I can't be entirely what I used to be but I'm not happy where I am at now. I'm still trying to figure out who I am now and what I want to do with myself. Is this like a nearing "30"ish crisis we're all going through now or something? Anyhow-I'm proud of you for doing your boot camp. Hopefully you can find the middle ground for yourself. love ya

Klin said...

I remember trying to figure out who I was when I had little kids. There was something about staying home all day that made it hard for me to figure out who I was. I found it hard to see how important the work I was doing actually was. It's hard to see that when you are changing poopy diapers, cleaning up rooms several times a day, wiping snotty noses, cleaning up barf and talking to little kids all day. I see the importance now. I see how what I did was good work and I see why my kids turned out so much better than they would have if I had not been there.

Some parents can work and their kids will be okay. Mine needed me at home. My boys especially.

I am in awe of your booty camp attempts. I struggled with depression so I did not seek those things out and when I finally did get a handle on my depression I had some other health problems that had occurred making the type of exercise I was familiar with impossible if I was to still be a mommy.

Sorry I rambled on forever. cipsy

KatieJ said...

Hey Robin- those pictures are cute and I'm impressed with your efforts! They will pay off soon- you will never look how you did when you were 17 of course but you will be able to get to a place you can be proud of! I'm not sure how old you are exactly, but I have heard about and talked with some people about the fact that we, (mostly women, but men to some extent too,) have some kind of an early mid life crisis around the age of 27-29. I felt a lot this way a lot for about a year, I think it was when I was 27 or so. Anyways, supposedly it happens to married, single, childful, or childless women. It's a stage. Hang in there, it's hard to feel like yourself sometimes when so much of your time is taking care of everyone else too.

Gina said...

You are incredibly talented, Robin and I am sorry you've been feeling like those other parts of you have been "hibernating." I am proud of you for doing this boot camp. It's a sacrifice, but you can do it without crying or whining because you still are that strong and skinny girl you remember... she's in there! And if you don't reach high school grad weight, don't get discouraged. You are a woman now... we have curves and they DO look good. I've always enjoyed your nice booty.

Keep up the good work, friend. I'm pulling for you!


Bonnie said...

Good for you (Boot Camp)! Oh, and thanks for the tip on my Etsy procing. I lowered the prices this morning after reading your comment.

Emily said...

A lot of me is in hibernation as the mother of little ones too. You're not alone.

The Craig Family said...

You go girl!!! I so impressed that you are doing this boot camp. I know it's hard to keep up things we as mother want to do for ourselves but know we are needed somewhere else. Keep up the good work. I am a little jealous of th 4 lbs you have lost.