Monday, August 29, 2011
Hating/Accepting my body
So, a couple years ago I decided to get skinny. I worked at it for a long, long, time and got to a weight that was just a little heavier than my goal weight and I was pretty happy with how I was looking. Then, I got lazy. My work out partner stopped going to my gym and slowly my work out habits faded. I fizzled down to doing just one class a week. Since I had lost much of my weight that I had attributed to baby pounds, I figured it would be easy to maintain. I was wrong. The weight crept back on, little by little, and BAM! None of my skinny jeans fit anymore. I am angry that I let it get to this point. I have never eaten great. I don't eat terrible, but lets be honest, I love carbs and dairy and baked goods. My portions are too big. Yada yada yada. I should probably eat vegetables. You know, that kind of thing. Also, I have been having small bouts of depression. It's pretty normal for me, I just go through periods of low motivation and productivity. Or maybe I'm just lazy. Who knows. At the beginning of May my sister's health began to deteriorate and at the end of May I had a miscarriage just a week after finding out I was pregnant. And because I am an emotional eater, I am sure all of those things affected my increasing chubbiness negatively. The point is, I am overweight again and very unhappy about it. I realized that I am not one of those people that can eat whatever and never work out and still look good. I have to make lifestyle changes and stick to them. That is not easy. But I don't want to be sad when I look in the mirror. I don't care if it seems vain. I used to be fit and strong and I know that I can be. I want to take care of my body. Last week I went and added childcare to my gym membership and managed to go to the gym 3 times last week. I am hoping to regularly go 3 or 4 times a week and take control of my eating habits as well. Wish me luck!