Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Denial

Why is it that it seems that this baby is just going to live inside me permanently? I guess the reality of my babies has always felt uncertain until I actually get to see their little faces. This baby seems different for some other reasons. I just can't believe that I am really going to have THREE children. Holy Cow. And since we're planning a move, I haven't set up the bassinet or pulled out all of Tucker's baby clothes and blankets or any of that fun stuff. I hadn't bought this baby one single item until yesterday when I got him a little outfit. Mostly that's because I think he'll have tons of clothes and blankets since I have unisex stuff and tons of stuff from Tucker that is all in the right season, but still.
There's something else. I'm scared. I am terrified of having three kids. When I think about how much time and work a newborn takes, I worry about my other kids. Charlotte is so young. I know Tucker did alright and I'm sure they'll both be okay, but it still makes me feel worried. How will I keep them all fed and napped and happy and stimulated and all those things that they need? How will I show them all my love? How will I make them each feel special?
I always knew I wanted at least 4 kids. That hasn't changed. I still want 4 kids. But now that #3 is coming and so fast, I just feel so unprepared and inadequate.

10 comments:

Michelle said...

I felt the same way at the hospital with Ammon. I was so worried I couldn't sleep, which shouldn't be a problem after giving birth. It all works out. You will ajust and so will your other two children. It's scary, but just keep praying for your Father in Heaven help and it will work.

Tori :) said...

I had Isabel 3 days after Tristan turned 4, so I also had 3 kids 4 and under like you! I do remember feeling a little overwhelmed at 1st, but don't we always?? I used my baby bjourn a ton with Isabel to keep my hands free for the other 2. And I simplified, a lot. I always had cuppies in the fridge for when the older 2 asked for milk or juice. I also had other little tricks I can't remember now. You'll do fine. Just find what works for you and enjoy the little kid years, before they turn into punky 12 year olds. :)

Andrea said...

Wait remember you bought that plaid button up shirt to have the baby match Tucker? So yesterday you got the 2nd item.... Don't worry about baby number 3 coming because look at the bright side - you live near so much family and if you need help you just need to make a phone call, instead of living in Utah and having to buy a plane ticket - Right!! we love you and will help in any way we can. besides your kids are good with babies. love ya

Megan said...

I don't blame you one bit.. I'm so scared for #2!!! I haven't felt the greatest this pregnancy, & I can't figure out if it's actually more rough or if it's the fact that I chase a busy 2 year old around rather than sitting at a desk. you'll do great, it will be hard, but it will be wonderful.

Cathy said...

I think you just have a case of raging hormones... you'll be fine

ps. I found the cutest pictures of Tucker on my mom's lap top. He can't be more than 9 or 10 months old. You sure can make some cute babies so keep it up

melmck said...

You are way more capable than you think. You can do so much and you are so patient with your kids. Plus, babies adjust. When he comes, it'll work itself out, slowly. I found that out with Gracie and my sister just had her 2nd and said everything comes together. Don't worry. Good luck!

Stan said...

The 3rd one was the hardest (until the 9th) Besides if we didn't have 4 you wouldn't be here.

Emily said...

I was the third and I always felt like I got plenty of love from Mom and Dad, so don't fret about that. You have unlimited love to give and you are a great mom. Remember Dad & Mom had me (the 3rd and apparently the hardest) when Sarah was barely three!! Tucker and Charlotte will take care of each other and they will both be great older siblings too. Tucker will seem so mature soon with getting to be more responsible.

Katie said...

I got a terrific piece of advice when my twins were born just before Alli's third birthday. A wise mom told me that if she needed something, I should pay attention to her needs as much as possible and put her first as often as I could, even if the twins were crying. The reasoning is that she would remember being put off, but the babies would not remember crying for thirty extra seconds while I got Alli a graham cracker or helped her find her book. Accept all the help you're offered, and expect less of yourself for the first six months. As long as everyone is fed and loved, nothing else really matters.

The Rogers Family said...

Robin- you are a crazy multitasker! You will do awesome, and I can order a mean pizza when you need it! Also, my most recent blog is dedicated to YOU!
~ASHLEY