Why is it that it seems that this baby is just going to live inside me permanently? I guess the reality of my babies has always felt uncertain until I actually get to see their little faces. This baby seems different for some other reasons. I just can't believe that I am really going to have THREE children. Holy Cow. And since we're planning a move, I haven't set up the bassinet or pulled out all of Tucker's baby clothes and blankets or any of that fun stuff. I hadn't bought this baby one single item until yesterday when I got him a little outfit. Mostly that's because I think he'll have tons of clothes and blankets since I have unisex stuff and tons of stuff from Tucker that is all in the right season, but still.
There's something else. I'm scared. I am terrified of having three kids. When I think about how much time and work a newborn takes, I worry about my other kids. Charlotte is so young. I know Tucker did alright and I'm sure they'll both be okay, but it still makes me feel worried. How will I keep them all fed and napped and happy and stimulated and all those things that they need? How will I show them all my love? How will I make them each feel special?
I always knew I wanted at least 4 kids. That hasn't changed. I still want 4 kids. But now that #3 is coming and so fast, I just feel so unprepared and inadequate.