I am so sick of being jerked around by banks. We should have a house. We should've closed last week on our house and that hasn't happened. In looking at other options we are being pushed around by a whole new bank. I am so tired and stressed out. We have a place to live for now, but what about on the 22nd when we told our landlord we would move out? I don't think we will actually end up homeless, but it is very distressing to not have a concrete answer or date and time to be in a new place!
Also I am stressing about the whole Lake Powell trip decision. I feel somewhat pressured by Trent and his family that I should go. Like it's my duty or obligation. Then on top of that I have this internal struggle. Do I dare let Trent go with both kids? What if something happened to one of them because they weren't being supervised closely enough? Do I let Trent go with just Tucker and feel totally guilty because Charlotte misses out on all the fun and the great-grandparents and Idaho cousins don't get to see her? This would mean I would also miss out on seeing the great-grandparents and family that we don't see very often.
Then I think to myself, what would it be like if I did go? A 6 hour drive each way hauling a big trailer, with the kids, a full bladder, cramping legs and probably being very uncomfortable. I don't anticipate going into labor early, since I have gone to 40 weeks with both of my other pregnancies, but there's always a chance. So in trying to avoid going into labor 2 weeks before my due date will I even get to go out on the boat? I am pretty sure that sitting in heat all day long making sure my kids don't drown will not really be that relaxing or enjoyable for me.
I keep saying that I will make my decision after I see my doctor this Friday, but I don't really know how much that will help in my decision either, unless I have already started to dilate (which is probably really unlikely with my history.)
So last night over my french toast dinner, it started coming out. I just started crying. My children were pretty bewildered and my husband seemed a little concerned, but very unhelpful. I'm pretty sure he just doesn't know what to say. And now as I sit here thinking about it I feel like crying some more. But I won't right now. I am sure I can cry more later. As always, thanks for letting me let it all out in blog form. I apologize for the very fun read.