Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Homeless newborn

I am so sick of being jerked around by banks. We should have a house. We should've closed last week on our house and that hasn't happened. In looking at other options we are being pushed around by a whole new bank. I am so tired and stressed out. We have a place to live for now, but what about on the 22nd when we told our landlord we would move out? I don't think we will actually end up homeless, but it is very distressing to not have a concrete answer or date and time to be in a new place!
Also I am stressing about the whole Lake Powell trip decision. I feel somewhat pressured by Trent and his family that I should go. Like it's my duty or obligation. Then on top of that I have this internal struggle. Do I dare let Trent go with both kids? What if something happened to one of them because they weren't being supervised closely enough? Do I let Trent go with just Tucker and feel totally guilty because Charlotte misses out on all the fun and the great-grandparents and Idaho cousins don't get to see her? This would mean I would also miss out on seeing the great-grandparents and family that we don't see very often.
Then I think to myself, what would it be like if I did go? A 6 hour drive each way hauling a big trailer, with the kids, a full bladder, cramping legs and probably being very uncomfortable. I don't anticipate going into labor early, since I have gone to 40 weeks with both of my other pregnancies, but there's always a chance. So in trying to avoid going into labor 2 weeks before my due date will I even get to go out on the boat? I am pretty sure that sitting in heat all day long making sure my kids don't drown will not really be that relaxing or enjoyable for me.
I keep saying that I will make my decision after I see my doctor this Friday, but I don't really know how much that will help in my decision either, unless I have already started to dilate (which is probably really unlikely with my history.)
So last night over my french toast dinner, it started coming out. I just started crying. My children were pretty bewildered and my husband seemed a little concerned, but very unhelpful. I'm pretty sure he just doesn't know what to say. And now as I sit here thinking about it I feel like crying some more. But I won't right now. I am sure I can cry more later. As always, thanks for letting me let it all out in blog form. I apologize for the very fun read.


stephanie said...

sorry about your house troubles. that totally stinks. as for lake powell, there is no way that i would go that close to my due date. i think it would just stress me out too much. i would stay home with charlotte. she's too little to care or know what she would be missing. there is always next year! good luck!

Busy Bee Lauren said...

I agree with Stefanie...but it is your decision. It sounds like both of us just need a big hug! I was about to email you to see if your house has closed, I guess it hasn't. That just makes me mad. Do you need help packing? Or anything? I will come over if you want.

Melanie M. McKinnon said...

i think you need some anti-depressants. whenever i start to think in circles like that, i know i need a medication adjustment. hopefully it will just pass. good luck!

Grace Ryan said...

You don't need to be stressing over these things. You poor thing. Why do crappy things like this usually happen when it's the wrong time? Sorry about your house troubles. Lake Powell - probably not a good time. If it were CA then I would think it would be fine but the lake would seem a little hard to manage. Anyway I hope life eases up a little more for you.

Tori :) said...

I don't think it'd be a good idea to go. I didn't realize you'd be that close to being due!! Stay home & let Trent take both the kids. Get a pedicure. That's what'd I do. Don't feel guilty! You're growing a baby!

Klin said...

Robin, first of all take 50 very deep breaths beginning at 2 secs inhale and 2 secs exhale until you get to 4 secs (hopefully around breath 15) then realize that these family things come up a lot. Preparing to have a baby only comes once with each child. Charlotte and you can have some fun, calm, relaxing bonding time and you won't be stressed about her safety the whole time if she is gone. Like Gina said on her blog, dad's aren't mom's for a reason. They are great, but mom's have special "powers" and can manage a bazillion things at once. If you were still just down the road I'd send my Kimi down to play with Charlotte while you napped, or got a pedicure, or whatever- but since I can't I would bet you have someone close to you who not only can, but will.

Oh and go ahead and cry. A few good cries can really help get out the frustration of wanting to go, but feeling like it's not a good idea. You'll feel better after your puffy crying eyes go down. I recommend cucumber slices.

Sorry I am so long winded tonight.

Gina said...

I am sorry it's all coming to a head for you. I know the feeling of being stressed in many areas at once. I would just stay home with Charlotte. She won't remember, but I get why you feel torn about it too. You shouldn't be in that heat or bouncing around in a boat. I would take it easy.

P.S. I thought you guys did this trip over the 4th of July... glad it's later, because it's closer to your due date, all the more reason to sit this one out.

Nancy Face said...

I agree with Stephanie and Gina! :) "Family obligations"...BAH! That is not anywhere near as important as your comfort and safety, or your peace of mind concerning Charlotte's safety! Trust your feelings on this.