I feel like a big, tired, sad, blob tonite. I never spelled tonight like that before. Weird. Anyway, I don't know why I feel so sad. Nothing went particularly wrong today. Last week I was mad. Trent and I were fighting. Nothing too huge, I guess. Or so he tells me. Today was fine we went to my mom's and my sister's for visits. Trent won't be home until 7:30 or so, which is always a bummer. He blew a trailer tire on the way out of Christopher Creek. The guy does work too hard though. Yes TOO hard. He is gone at 6:00 every morning and gets home around 5 usually. I guess it could be worse. He was more physically exhausted when he was working on cars, but even nowadays he is pretty out of it by 8 pm on our couch. I won't delve into all the time I feel we are not getting to spend together. I would just go off and nobody would benefit from it. All the things that bother me have been slowly adding up into this big ball of gooey bothersomeness. My bathrooms are never clean, my hair needs trimmed and colored, I need clothes, I hate my body, I'm a bad mom, I'm a bad housekeeper, I don't want to make dinner, I have endless amounts of laundry to fold, I'm not sexy, and on and on and on. I am NOT depressed. Even if someone has expressed their concern that I should be medicated- another thing that is nagging at me, even when it was probably meant to be a harmless comment.
It's just a bad day. Week. A trough. In The Screwtape Letters C. S. Lewis explains that all humans have peaks and troughs in their lives- "As long as he lives on earth, periods of emotional and bodily richness and liveliness will alternate with periods of numbness and poverty."
I still haven't finished this book, but I am really enjoying it. It really gets you thinking.
8 comments:
Sorry it's been a cruddy week. I tried to call you today. I hope you can get your motivation and energy back up.
I've got to go grocery shopping, bake and decorate two cakes and finish cleaning my house tonight. AHHHHH!
I have a week like you're having usually once a month. Hmmm... do you think it's a female thing? J/K I really do have times when I just seem to suck at everything. I am lonely. I am unhappy with my body- well, that never changes. I'm sorry you are having a sad and grumpy, down in the dumpy week. We could hang out and whine together if you were here or I was there.:( If it makes you feel any better I think you are beautiful and funny and Tucker is way smart and talented so SOMEONE is teaching him well. :)
I forgot- I always spell tonite like that. "Nite" not "night."
I second the once a month episode experience. Sometimes my episodes last 3 weeks out of the month, but eventually I get a grip on things. St. Johns Wart (mood inhancer) keeps me from harming anyone those weeks I'm just a little more than aggro!
I just want you to know that you are BEAUTIFUL and you have beautiful children. Anyone would be lucky to have you as a wife, mother, cousin whatever. Oh, and bathrooms are meant to be dirty.
I agree. Unless it's just you, the bathroom is going to be dirty (and sometimes even then).
You know what? These are things I think about every day or at least weekly. Everything you said made me smile (ironically) because it all sounds so familiar. If nothing else, it's nice to know we're all in the same boat.
I heard a quote in RS today and I thought, "Hmmm... that's so true." It was something like "Discouragement is not of God." or something like that. So, it must be the BAD GUY making/helping/letting you feel like crap. Don't let him win. (Easier said then done. I know. I just thought I'd pass along the quote. I'll shut up now.) Miss you!
Michelle- I'm gonna get me some of that St. Johns Wart.
My pile of unfolded, clean laundry is halfway to the ceiling in one basket and I don't have kids and only work 30 hours a week. My bathroom sink hasn't been scrubbed in WAY too long. You are beautiful, smart, and funny. What book did you pick for December's bookclub?
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