I feel like a big, tired, sad, blob tonite. I never spelled tonight like that before. Weird. Anyway, I don't know why I feel so sad. Nothing went particularly wrong today. Last week I was mad. Trent and I were fighting. Nothing too huge, I guess. Or so he tells me. Today was fine we went to my mom's and my sister's for visits. Trent won't be home until 7:30 or so, which is always a bummer. He blew a trailer tire on the way out of Christopher Creek. The guy does work too hard though. Yes TOO hard. He is gone at 6:00 every morning and gets home around 5 usually. I guess it could be worse. He was more physically exhausted when he was working on cars, but even nowadays he is pretty out of it by 8 pm on our couch. I won't delve into all the time I feel we are not getting to spend together. I would just go off and nobody would benefit from it. All the things that bother me have been slowly adding up into this big ball of gooey bothersomeness. My bathrooms are never clean, my hair needs trimmed and colored, I need clothes, I hate my body, I'm a bad mom, I'm a bad housekeeper, I don't want to make dinner, I have endless amounts of laundry to fold, I'm not sexy, and on and on and on. I am NOT depressed. Even if someone has expressed their concern that I should be medicated- another thing that is nagging at me, even when it was probably meant to be a harmless comment.
It's just a bad day. Week. A trough. In The Screwtape Letters C. S. Lewis explains that all humans have peaks and troughs in their lives- "As long as he lives on earth, periods of emotional and bodily richness and liveliness will alternate with periods of numbness and poverty."
I still haven't finished this book, but I am really enjoying it. It really gets you thinking.